What is Skyrim?
If you are a responsible parent, then the world of MMORPG first person shooters should be something of a foreign language to you. In games like Skyrim, players are teleported to far away lands that are cream filled with demonic spell crafting, violent shirtless blood shed and exposed not only Satanic critters, but bombarded with gay under tones of fecal fornication.
In the land of Skyrim, the player starts off as a captured terrorist, who has been caught plotting to destroy the golden empire by using dragons. Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal’s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one’s self is fun and normal. Once the player has decided if they want to be a female wood fairy or an black ogre from Stormwind, they get to take control of their hell spawned fictitious demon.
Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard, shows the player images of decapitations and after the third of forth head chopping, a necromatic dragon appears and sets the player free from righteous punishment. Now that the player is free, they will spend the next 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animals and also learn how to conjure up black magic.
Throughout the game, the player is exposed to full frontal violence and replay style death killing finish moves. The graphics of this game are way too realistic for the type of blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor.
The spells the player are taught are directly out of The Book of Wiccan and are far more dangerous than anything your child is watching on that Wizards at Waverly Place and Sabrina The Teenage Witch. When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.
Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim, his final battle is to have a mass dragon orgy with his fellow homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs. Once the dragon has been backdoor feasted, the player must kill it. The dragon needs to be killed, so the spirit of death and gayness can enter the new eggs and reek havoc onto the rest of the world. This new destruction will be playable in the next Skyrim saga.
SKYRIM LINGO: DOVAHKIIN – Is the supposed citizens of Skyrim, but is a code word that means:
D – Dirty
O – Orifice
V – Violation
A – Always
H – Hurts
K – Keep
I – Injecting
I – It
N – Naiant
How Would My Child Get Access to Skyrim?
If your child doesn’t have the money to buy this game, be sure they are spending countless hours watching their bitttorrents download massive amounts of band widths to illegal obtain this demonic grail of violent dragon porn. Be sure to inspect all of their friend’s houses. Anyone of the evil axis of consoles; PlayStation 1,2 or 3, Gamecube or XBox 360 Live Kentic, could be lurking in one of their households.
If you do learn that one of your children’s friends doesn’t have proper parents and allows them to play on such vile machines, make sure your child knows that by playing with this friend will go against God and would send his soul to the fire pits of Hell.
What Gay Thing is This Gaming Teaching Kids
Skyrim Jobs – Skyrimming is a street term the gays use when talking about applying their tongues to the outer rim part of another man’s sewer spout, while that man is being hung upside down. See the gays have weird fetishes and are close to Satan. Satan speaks to them and tells them news ways on how to experience demonic orgasmic sin. Satan has recently taught our fecal fisting bandits that if you hang each other upside down and let the blood rush to the head, the anal dumpster becomes more sensitive to touch and we all know gays wake up and fall asleep just day dreaming about sticking something up their own or someone else’s sewer hole.
If you notice your son has become more light headed around the house, this is a definite warning that he has been Skyrim jobbing.
Dragon Fisting – Dragon fisting is a new way the gays enter each other’s mud goblets with both of their hands. The difference with dragon fisting, is they make sure to grow their nails very long and once inserted into their low t-cell counted friend, they make a tickling movement with their fingers and sends their mud monkey buddy into a demon infused enticement of gay rage.
Make sure to inspect the length and smell of your children’s finger nails on a daily basis.
Icy Spear – The Icy Spear is the name of an actual weapon in the game of Skyrim, but on the gay streets, it is where a gay freezes their meat banana with ice cubes and than forcefully injects their partner’s demon tunnel with their icy flesh spear.
If you notice that you never have ice cubes in your freeze, be sure that your son is freezing the anal caverns of other men in the neighborhood.
Stats
[…] ^ http://christwire.org/2011/11/is-sky…sex-maneuvers/ […]
Someone drank too much skoma …
I like this review but the other half of me says i hate me, so… HOLY CRAP monster dick!!! nah christ name in vain XD.
Obviously an idiot/gay.
So you’re suggesting all RPGs are gay because you can make your own character? LOLZ
I am a straight, white, God fearing, American, Church going man. If this is what the world has come to argue about i fear for my children’s future. My daughter owns ‘Skyrim’ and I find nothing about it to be “homosexual” and even if it were quote on quote homosexual why is that an issue? Did Jesus not say treat every man as you yourself would like to be treated? I have read both the old and the new Testiments and no where that is obvious to myself or the members of my church, does it mention that gay persons should be attacked for their sexuality. All men were created equal, God made people gay you cannot change it it is part of who you are. God will not be pleased with your efforts. Mr. Tyson Bowers
[…] Skyrim evil […]
[…] Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers? […]
Tyson Bowers, meet the dark side of the donkey. I believe you’ve already met.[img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o1VMWzwFspU/TCJF_ZOS-[/img]
[img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_o1VMWzwFspU/TCJF_ZOS-uI/AAAAAAAAAAY/czxDqP5BhpM/S748/donkey.jpg[/img]
Poor pc can’t work for five seconds.
Tyson Bowers, I will personally shove an elder scroll up your ass.
If this was an attempt at humor, it failed pretty hard. And i am not even a skyrim fan
[…] about whether this petition actually originated from a post on the religious fear parody site, Christwire or not. This has not been proven but I can certainly see the possibility. If it is indeed parody […]
[…] Skyrim evil […]
Where do you get these pie charts from? At least get real data instead of just making it up. Might make you seem more legitimate. And thats just a big might.
[…] Posted by easuter Lately: SKYRIM!! hmmm…. http://christwire.org/2011/11/is-sky…sex-maneuvers/ […]
[…] 1996 Trans AM WS6 lol, this article says skyrim is teaching children how to be gay and a huge majority want to try try gay sex after playing! hahahhaha Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform “Rim Jobs” and Other Homo Erotic Sex Man… […]
commenting as i read this bs. yes, there is definatly gay ppl and sex toys in skyrim. maybe if you actually played the game, which u obviously havent cuz u have everything about this game wrong, i would respect your opinion. ur the perverted freak for seeing someone jacking off when they cast a spell. is everyone tht isnt a white conservative christian male a gay perverted freak to u? show me once in this game where dragons have sex. please. yes, technology is frome the devil and anyone tht uses it will send u to hell. thts y u have a website, dumbass. as to your horrible attempt at an acrostic poem, how long did u spend using ur extensive knowlage of perverted society to craft tht complete fairytale. as to all of your “sex terms” tht you obviously made yourself, i think tht speaks more to your state of mind then the game makers. also, fake stats mean nothing. your utterly retarded and need help
[…] from Riften, Tiber Septim..it goes on and on lol The petition is in reference to this troll "review" of SkyRim by Blizzard Entertainment on Christwire. Best name on that list is, "A dragon that hates […]
LMFAO… NIGGA IS YOU SERIOUS?!??!
[img]http://dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/131941428316.jpg[/img][img][IMG]http://partner-ad.photobucket.com/albums/ee270/Asriel16Asi/My%20Little%20Pony%20Friendship%20is%20Magic/RDs%20Castle%20in%20the%20Sky/Rainbow-Dash-Laughter.png[/IMG][/img][img]http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/278/5/8/rainbow_dash_laughing_avatar_by_delta105-d4bx4ae.png[/img]
Looks like I failed to correctly post one of the images in my original post. No matter. I think you get what I’m saying… This shit just HAS to be a troll site. All of it is just a bunch of troll nonsense that’s taking the piss out of religion. SURELY people this mentally retarded can’t possibly exist and genuinely believe this type of crazy shit.
You CAN’T be serious, because I’m literally laughing my ass off as we speak. Oh wait, you ARE?
[img]http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/240/4/2/oh_wait__by_irainbowdash-d483mcq.png[/img]
[img]http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/240/4/2/oh_wait__by_irainbowdash-d483mcq.png[/img]
sat·ire
[sat-ahyuhr]
noun
1.
the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2.
a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3.
a literary genre comprising such compositions.
Are you fucking kidding me ._. You sir are just plain stupid. This site is plain stupid.
[…] http://christwire.org/2011/11/is-skyrim-teaching-your-children-how-to-perform-rim-jobs-and-other-hom… […]
wow someone doesnt like skyrim much do they XD.
its just a game so dont go on about it being evil and all that bullshit, cos according to some christians every little thing you do is a sin, so this is why i dont do religions -_-
I know the site is satire. That makes the writers on this site even more evil than if they actually believed this shit. For this, I am going to murder them.
I think my daughter, Dinky, played this over a classmate’s house (maybe Scootaloo) in Cherilee’s class, and she’s fine. I don’t think it would promote the kinds of things Lyra and BonBon do… wait I wasn’t supposed to mention that [**Echoes in the Distance from Pinkie Pie** “FOREVER”]
Tyson, Once again you have proven that you are a closet gay. For someone that knows so much about about skyrim, sounds like you made it. This does explain how you and your buddys (Stevie, Jack, Susan, Mike, Blanche, ect) are so into molesting little boys and farms animals (Stevies -Rabbits are gay).
I would finish reading this article, but i took an arrow to the knee. 🙂
Ha ha, legendary comment win!
[…] Blog Home » YOU NEED TO STOP PLAYING SKYRIM NOW! IT'S MAKING YOU GAY!December 31, 2011 by the_atmhttp://christwire.org/2011/11/is-skyrim-teaching-your-children-how-to-perform-rim-jobs-and-other-hom… […]
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